For some ridiculous reason, we signed up for 3 day Mahout training school at the Thai Elephant Conservatory.   A mahout is basically the elephant master who trains and cares for them and for the next 3 days we were each going to be assigned our own elephant to learn to ride and command and care for along with them…including camping.   The first sign of this being a bad decision should have been the wardrobe.   They provided us with a uniform to wear…a one size fits all denim pants and button down that ties around with a knotted to belt to fit both me and the 10 year old girl riding beside me.   Haven’t these folks heard the expression “dress for the job you want”?  I wanted to be the fabulous circus performers diving off platforms to land on the backs of the elephants….where’s my sparkly tutu??

I digress.  Suited up and ready to go, I met my elephant…Pan Wan Dee.   She (He? I never asked…) had a little sassy attitude.   Mainly, she didn’t like to let me get up before she stood.   So while she was supposed to be sitting on the ground while I climbed up her leg and swung my leg around to sit on her neck, instead she stood up and I was dangling on, holding one ear and yelling to my (non-English speaking) mahout to help.   Every time, he’d run around and shove me up and over while laughing his butt off too much to command the elephant to do anything helpful in the moment.  And so the next time we tried to mount the elephant over the trunk…only she still stood up as I was halfway up and BACKWARDS on the elephant this time.  This is setting up to be a long 3 days…