As our bubbly tour guides pointed out the sites we passed in the van on the way to dinner, we made appropriate comments of our own regarding the tall monuments and beautiful city. But inside, I was counting the loops of the locals outside the car. Man rides past on bicycle. Woman pauses under umbrella. Workers walk to the tram stop. The same general scene appeared to repeat every few blocks, separated by sections of road that were unlit, pitch black, and deserted in between…as if allowing space for the actors to reset.  We were seeing only what they wanted us to see…and when we commented on the pouring rain on our arrival day, our guide corrected us; it was confetti from God welcoming us to a wonderful visit. [Ed. note: We cannot make this stuff up. That is what the girl told us. And she was serious.]  I guess if you can’t control the weather like the citizens, you just change the message.  Communism is all just PR, right?

Dinner was another confusion. We went into the empty restaurant where 4 waitresses in full costume stood in a line behind the closed door to greet us. I assumed the guide texted ahead, but every time I glanced over during our meal they remained there, like statues, awaiting the rest of the patrons who would never come.  The restaurant was more of a small banquet room set for an 80’s wedding or bar mitzvah. The balloon arches lined the ceiling and each chair was covered with a golden skirt and bow. Suddenly my wrinkled khakis felt a bit out of place… [Ed. note: The music. Oh the music. Every place we ate played the same DVD, on repeat, of some musical group singing the joys of the Party or something. Over and over and over…]

The entire city seemed to be a facade. The streets were lined with shops, but no one worked in them. The “clothing stores” each had 10 outfits hanging on the racks. The “grocery stores” had an empty deli display case and a cooler holding one row of beer and one row of water bottles. The shops we were allowed to enter only turned on the lights and unlocked the doors as our guides knocked – the workers apparently sitting in the dark all day long until one of the 10 or so tours in the city each day were permitted to come inside. [Ed. note: some shops even had plywood leaning up against their front door windows from inside, and it was moved aside as the shop opened for us.]

It was like living on a movie set.  We didn’t dare speak badly of anything because upon arrival our guides (handlers) had taken our passports and visas for hotel check-in, and when I asked for them back I was told they would keep it safe for us. Yup, we were well and truly stuck here for 4 days with no way out and no contact with the outside world. Nothing about this sounded like a good idea and we still had to visit all the monuments and learn the “truth” of the Korean War…