Before we came to Australia, my husband kept jokingly telling me that everything in this country wants to kill me.   There’s a cartoon somewhere on the internet about this, but the basics are that all the bugs and birds and general cuddly wildlife are actually super sized here down under and harbor a secret desire to bite and kill all tourists. [Ed. note: it’s true. Australia is chock-full of deadly animals.] But this isn’t just limited to the fauna,  it is like the whole damn country is chock full of life threatening things and the locals just take it with a shrug and another beer!   Case and point: we took a road trip of death into the rainforest…

What should have been a nice calm Sunday drive from Cairns up to Daintree Rainforest was turned on its side simply by being located in Australia.  To start with, there was the hour on the costal highway.  Stunningly beautiful oceanside with waves crashing into the cliffs…and probably lots of cars crashing there too as I had to continuously remind the husband that keeping his eyes on the windy narrow road was slightly more important than watching the sunrise over the Coral Sea.

Once we crossed the river (on a car ferry still operating on the pulley system…), it was time for another two hour drive up the windy mountainside.   Luckily, there wasn’t an ocean view here to distract us.  Unluckily, there was the need to watch carefully for wildlife darting out into the road and causing you to swerve and plummet down the hillside…  [Ed. note: half of the drive was on a gravel road. In the rainforest. Through several flowing creeks.] Oh, and in case that wasn’t quite enough, the Aboriginals like fire, so they just set trees on fire and leave them…then the trees fall and block the road, around sharp curves.  So mid-drive, we had to get out and help a couple with a large RV break and haul 20 foot long limbs out of the path to fit a car through…and hope in the meantime that the fire didn’t spread and break the tree limb dangling above the rental car you declined the additional insurance on… 

Finally, we’re at the waterfall, the ultimate goal of this ill-advised road trip.  Wujal Wujal is my husband’s favorite waterfall…and it is surrounded by slippery rocks and pools full of man-eating crocodiles.  [Ed. note: Why is it my favorite? Because it is AWESOME!] No, that’s not just an expression, the crocs here actually don’t discriminate in their food source and will eat anything that moves in the water, be it fish, man, or their own croc brother!   After having overcome so much to make it all the way up here, he wasn’t going to be happy until he go right up to the falls and said hello.  And having seen how much we had to overcome to get up here, I wasn’t going to let him go all the way over there alone as I was the carrier of the first aid kit with the super clotting sponge for major wounds…I believe in being over prepared for the worst considering I usually hurt myself twice a day just working behind a desk…

We started our climb up and down the rocks precariously perched around the pools.   And then we started to consider what was in said pools and thought that perhaps our climb should go a little bit higher so that one slip of a foot didn’t result in an amputation from someone looking for a snack with their tea!  In hindsight, that wasn’t the best plan. Instead of just dipping a toe in if we fell, now we’d fall far and make a big splash so there was no choice but the dwellers of the pools to hear us and come running (swimming?)  I prodded on and willed my life skills learned on a couple bad dates with a rock climber 10 years ago to come back to me.  Surely all those arm curls lifting my frosty glass on the beach this week built up enough muscle mass to hold myself up as I had to dangle and make the next step, right?   

 

I’m not sure how exactly we made it in (or back out for that matter), but suddenly we were in front of the beautiful falls and a full pool.  I was content to sit and breathe for a bit, but the husband had to get closer still! [Ed. note: Heck yeah I did.]  Screw it, I love him but one of us had to be around to call for help.   I loaded his pockets up with first aid items and made him leave me the car keys.   And then I sent him off even further into the rainforest jungle that wanted to kill us….while I took pictures to document it for all of you!  Wife of the year…

(It’s the first ever FW’s Where’s Waldo…find the Boy!)